Dating apps are not my forte.
Disgusted by the prospect of another Valentine’s Day on Hinge, Bumble, etc., I wonder if the internet’s favorite new assistant— Chat GPT – Can help secure appointments.
After all, complex computer code has already been written, Crafting a Successful Job Applicationcomposed songs, And ace an 11-year-old on his homework.
Before daring its suggestions into the dating trenches, I asked an expert to evaluate the chatbot’s ability to strike up a conversation.
For dating coach Hayley Quinn, it’s certainly one of her strangest assignments. For me, it was an opportunity to finally find a better conversation starter than a GIF of Obi-Wan Kenobi saying “Hello.”
‘avoid body praise’
We first evaluated the top three chat lines of ChatGPT.
“Do you have a map? I always get lost in your eyes.”
Coach Quinn said the alarm bells were going off right here.
“In post #Me too Age, physical compliments are crafty territory. Instead of focusing on someone’s physical appearance, try to compliment an aspect of their personality. “
“If you’re a vegetable, you’re a cute cucumber.”
Even I think this is bad, but Coach Quinn is more tolerant.
“In the age of dating apps, an interesting first message can go a long way. Just make sure yours is original and not one thousand people (or AI) have used before.”
“Do you believe in love at first sight, or do you need me to unmatch you and re-match?”
Again, ChatGPT lacks originality here, Coach Quinn said.
This highlights the established limitations of chatbots. It’s a so-called large-scale language model, trained on a lot of data, but that means it leverages something that’s already been written.
“Presumptuous and creepy”
Some dating apps are trying to move away from purely focusing on photo-based matches.
But they’re still undoubtedly key features – so we asked ChatGPT for some catch-all compliments.
“Your smile is so warm and touching!”
Coach Quinn isn’t too pleased: “Can we ban the word ‘invite’? The message feels presumptive to the point of creepiness.”
“This photo really captures your adventurous and playful spirit.”
Kind of like the “cutecumber” line, ChatGPT might have something to do here.
Coach Quinn suggests tweaks: “Edit it so it’s shorter and clearer — saying ‘adventure’ and ‘fun-loving’ are borderline tautologies. Keep it simple: ‘This photo captures your spirit.’”
True human intelligence still has many lives
If the match is successful, ChatGPT has some conversation ideas.
“What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done lately?”
“A good online dating rule of thumb is to never ask ‘How are you?’,” Coach Quinn says.
“By creating a more specific question to answer, ChatGPT’s suggestions are more likely to get a response.”
“If you could be any superhero, who would you be and why?”
Coach Quinn thinks this works as a dating app starter, though it’s “too random” if you try it in real life.
“Do you have any travel plans recently?”
ChatGPT isn’t great here, but it sets the stage for better questions.
Coach Quinn suggested: “You have a ticket to go somewhere tomorrow…what is the destination and why?”
further… or not
So you guys talked about spontaneous things, shared your love for superheroes, and talked about traveling.
ChatGPT provides a way to end the conversation if you don’t see things going any further.
“It was a pleasure chatting with you, but I think it’s time for us to move on.”
“Ouch,” Coach Quinn said.
“Try saying, ‘It was nice talking to you,’ shake hands, smile, and leave.”
“I appreciate the conversation, but I don’t think we have a strong connection. Good luck in your search.”
much better! As Coach Quinn puts it, it’s “simple, it’s clear, and it works.”
But if things are going well, is it time to ask your significant other out on a date?
“Would you rather have a picnic in the park, hike, or visit a museum this weekend?”
“It’s wise to offer options, but try to express that in a way that shows greater leadership,” Coach Quinn said.
Don’t get hung up on a specific date and location until you know they’d be excited to meet you.
“I’ve really enjoyed our conversation so far and I can’t wait to meet you in person.”
“Expressing enthusiasm on a couple of dates, when you know they’re on the same page, it’s great,” Coach Quinn says
“Just don’t go overboard and scare them off before the first date. Calm down, ChatGPT!”
So, can AI help you date?
If all you want is some general advice to get you started, then the answer is probably yes.
ChatGPT ended our date advice session by advising us to “keep a relaxed and friendly tone” rather than “aggressive and overly eager.”
“It’s a nice pearl of wisdom, if a little generic,” Quinn said.
But don’t rely on ChatGPT as some sort of digital Cyrano de Bergerac. While it may offer better dating advice than many of your friends, you’ll want to do a sensory check before following its advice.
Is it inappropriate? Sound unreal? Do I sound like a robot?
If the answer is yes, it might be time to swipe left on this particular love guru.